I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
