I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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