Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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