my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
