That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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