When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
