Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
