Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
