check it out our google latitudes are spooning
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
