i just google imaged poop.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My pussy is not your playground.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
