Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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