Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
