I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize