We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
either way he was missing a nipple.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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