We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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