Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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