And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
