Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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