i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
we're so committed to being not committed
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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