The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
