There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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