I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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