Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
