i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
