I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
