He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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