the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
