Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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