it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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