I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
