i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
