He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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