worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
