Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
