o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
