think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize