Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
