Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
