we have pet lesbian snakes
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
