Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
