I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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