i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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