I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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