I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
