whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
