Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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