Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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