How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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