we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
