You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
