Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
This baby is an asshole
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
