Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
