if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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