You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
