I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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