You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
