hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
