Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
