I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
