Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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