Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
