So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
