Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
