I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
