I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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