know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
