I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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