3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
