you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
