I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize