Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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