why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
